back to blogging

An early New Year's Resolution: to get back to blogging, to become disciplined in my writing, to use this technology to stay connected with myself and those closest to me, to avoid the temptation to start big and then fizzle out.

So here I am. It is always difficult for me to return to the keyboard and blank screen after a period of inactivity. The screen and blinking cursor seem to demand a lot, and my insecurities take over.

Actually, it reminds me of the way it feels when you return to chanting a certain number of rounds on beads (or any meditative practice, for that matter) after not having done it for some time. The warm memories of what you used to do mingle with the akwardness of re-learning. You stumble a bit; the words don't roll off the tongue as smoothly as they used to, the beads feel clumsier slipping back and forth between your finger pads. Your fears and hang-ups follow you too, buzzing uninvited pessimistic warnings to your mind. How long will you last this time? Come on, face the facts. You tried and you failed, so why bother now?

Antidote: tell the mind to shut the hell up, and dive in to the meditation. The beads are comforting. The Names don't judge or deride you. They are the old friends that would rather give you a warm hug hello than make you feel bad about not having kept in touch. And if you can just be open to it, the conversation resumes right where it left off.

I hope that returning to writing will be the same way. As I recall, we had started a nice conversation some months ago. Now... where were we?